Two Sundays ago I was sitting in the pew of my church. We are normally always at church but we’ve missed the last few weeks due to craziness, and life….And life not working like I would like it to, Or moving as smoothly… or as quickly as I would like it to. But we bust through the doors like the hot mess that we usually are. We ushered the girls in, got our seat, grabbed my bible, opened it up… and I zoned out.
I was there at church for the first time in weeks, but I wasn’t there. I was back at home and mentally working on all the things I needed to get done in my brain. I traveled in and out of my head.
“Feeding of the 5,000. Yep. Know this one.” Back home my brain went. “They followed Jesus in the desert” yes, I know. That’s why they needed food… food. Groceries. Ham for sandwiches. School lunches. Sign that permission form….
“BE STILL! God is just asking you to be still!”
I jerked my eyes back up.
My pastor went on to say that waiting for “the basket” to make it to you, is sometimes the hardest part of the journey. (1) Believe in Jesus? Done. I can do that. (2) Walk with him. Follow him to the desert land? No problem. Got it. (3) Now Be Still. Come again? Do nothing!? Be patient? Wait!? Lord, I don’t think I can do that!
I dont want to wait. Waiting stinks. When I have to wait. I worry. When I worry, I get anxious. Um. I am the furthest thing to a “bible knower”. (I’m sure there is a better word for that, but it eludes me momentarily.) But, uh… Doesn’t it say something in the bible about not worrying? Not be anxious. Yeah. Thought so. So now I’ve thrown myself even further down the rabbit hole. The same rabbit hole of anxious, and stressed, and worried that I have been in for the last month.
Tears burning my eyes. I feel God grab me. I look down, and I had just happened to wear my gold bracelet that Sunday. The one that has stamped on it in bold letters, “be still”. BRO-KEN. I was broke. Done.
Today I was on the way to pick Charlotte up from school, and the following conversation happened with my three year old…
“Man. Come on cars, yall are making me mad! Hurry it up!”
“Mommy! That’s not nice!”
“I’m sorry babe, but I hate waiting!!”
“But mommy. You HAVE to wait or you’ll crash!”
It’s usually always my kids voices that God uses to get my attention. Nearly always.
I’ll crash. If I rush it, it will turn into a mess. If I rush it, it won’t run as smoothly. If I rush it, it won’t turn out as good. If I rush it, disaster will surely follow.
My time is now. Immediate. Halfbaked. Sticky. God’s time is sacred. Perfect. Holy. Seamless.
I’m not sure if you know…. but God is GOD. As in, the all powerful. Existence is produced by the sound of his voice. He can make anything he wishes, happen instantly. BUT, He took six whole days to make creation. Then taking the seventh to rest, he declared it very good. Why? He’s GOD. If He wanted to, he could snap his fingers and it all be done immediately. But He didn’t. He worked diligently. He crafted, OVER TIME, the beautiful working order, which is our world, our universe. Taking his time to carefully, and tenderly mold and plan existence. If he took TIME creating THE WORLD, He will most certainly take his time unfolding His plan for me and my family. But it will be very good, tenderly molded, exceptionally crafted, and in beautiful working order.
I am so far away from having this “patience thing” wrapped in a neat little bow. I don’t. But,
I’m working on it God is working on me every day. If it hasn’t fallen together, if it’s not all fitting together like you thought it would. Take rest. He already has it figured out. It’s already been taken care of. He has the whole world in his hands. ❤